Getting abused by my ex-bf but now I have a hard time getting over him?

Congratulations for realizing that you don't deserve to be treated like that and for not being Ok with his apology. You are seeing first hand it meant nothing. As soon as he doesn't get what he wants he becomes abusive again. You don't miss him. You miss the man you want him to be. You are going through the withdrawal symptoms of ending a relationship. We are strong when they are begging us to come back but when all of a sudden we look over our shoulder and we don't see them, we panic and need to have them back to make us feel better. It's adjusting to something new. It's scary to be on our own and it's a hard process of healing from a break up. Remember he won't change. It will only get worse. The many you once loved is gone. Mourn his metaphorical death and move on. Time will heal your wounds but you need to have no contact with him to heal quicker.