Why am i jumping on my self destruct button:?

Through out my life bad stuff has always happened to me. I have been through a lot from sexual abuse to being put into care any thing bad and i have probably been through it. Now i am in a stable happy relationship and i just cant seem to be happy. I feel as though my mind is going to explode at times with thoughts i have not had in a long time and have even begin to feel as though i am getting more and more anxious. I have just begun to take herbal tablets for the anxiety and hopefully this will help and i do not want any more counselling as i have had this i just want to know if i will ever feel true happiness